When I started the series based on my experience in marriage, I had every intention to keep it real on my blog- so I’ll start today by admitting that my husband and I have experienced a lot of ups and downs! I’ve talked to woman in marriages and they’ve assured me that stuff will hit the fan eventually, and the sooner you tackle it and get rid of it, the better. Now, we surely could have handled a lot of those problems a lot better (and I mean A LOT BETTER- I’ll eventually share some of those problems), but the good thing is that we have learned, and stepped all over the enemy’s lies.
The most obvious way of tackling marital problems is by keeping our eyes on God and trusting in His perfect will. It’s a beautiful thing that He has provided us with guidance for everything that comes up in life -including marriage- in His word. One of the many bible verses that we can relate to marriage is:
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But he who heeds counsel is wise.
– Proverbs 12:15
We come into marriage thinking we have it all under control, we don’t need anyone butting in, if we have problem we can just sit down and talk it through (and that strategy will always work), etc etc, but the truth is that we need counsel! We are not wise on our own. We need to hear from our Great Counselor, and then a counselor here on earth that know’s what what she/he/they are talking about because they, too, seek God and others for counsel.
My husband and I had started off without the proper counsel, but after a huge blow up realized how necessary it is. We have listened to a great podcast from a series called Marriage Today and I want to share what I gathered by listening, so here it is!
MARRIAGE TODAY | WARNING SIGNS OF DIVORCE
1. Lack of pre-marriage preparation
- unrealistic expectations
- not understanding the opposing sex
2. Coming from a broken home
- scared because of negative history (whether you will receive or do what you’re afraid of)
3. Cohabiting before marriage
- 70% of marriages end in divorce if they have lived together before marriage
4. Weak spiritual foundation
- ONLY GOD CAN MEET OUR NEEDS
5. Poor relational support
- surround yourself with people who don’t support your marriage and you will see divorce become an option
6. Chronic criticism
- you can’t be intimate with someone you don’t trust
- criticism wounds us
- if all you do is complain, you’re going to devastate your marriage
7. Chronic anger/ unresolved conflict
- don’t go to sleep angry
8. Blame transfer/ defensiveness
- this was the first sin in marriage ( Adam and Eve)
- you must realize your spouse isn’t all the problem
- having a “shopper’s mentality”
- no actual covenant commitment till death
10. A non-scriptural, secularized image of marriage and divorce
- there is no clean divorce
- you can rip up the piece of paper you signed but God is still there and still sees you as one
This isn’t all the counseling we will seek, we are also going to be sitting down with a pastor and his wife, but Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen Evans is also of great help! (Please click the link to go see more of their content!) And remember, marriage is two imperfect people coming together as one to fulfill God’s perfect will. If you are in a marriage and already experienced stuff hitting the fan, turn to God and do not be ashamed to seek counsel, for it will only make you wiser. (Also remember Jesus himself sought out counsel! So if he can do it, you can do it too!)
I hope this has been helpful for you! I’ve felt shame and anger with myself for some of my actions in my marriage, but turning to God and allowing His forgiveness and guidance from His word in my life has delivered me from all of that, and has restored my hope + made my marriage stronger. Turn to Him in times of desperation and He will make all things work for good in your marriage.
God bless. ❤️